bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
