Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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