Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
