a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
