he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
