On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
