What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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