i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
