super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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