what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
