it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
