i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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