Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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