Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
