I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
