i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
