We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
