C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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