Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
