Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
