He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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