I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
