We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
