it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
