did you get engaged???
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
