at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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