Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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