I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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