you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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