i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
