I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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