did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
