Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
