Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
