I just made out with a guy for $7.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
