Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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