Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He felt like a one man threesome
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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