Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Come share oat with me in your robe
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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