My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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