she smelled like a LAN party
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
