Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
