You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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