yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
