She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
