Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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