so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
