I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
