She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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