Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
