My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
