someone owes me an orgasm
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
