Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
