They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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