are you still at the devil's house?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
