I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
