i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
